Trader's Insights

You think that by pushing open that door, what you will see is freedom, but little do you know that you are stepping into a burning wasteland.

At first, it was money that burned your eyes. Every fluctuation of the K-line chart consumed all your breath. You thought you were riding the waves, but in reality, you were repeatedly drowned by the tide of desire. The ecstasy of profit is as fleeting as a bubble, followed by deeper anxiety and greater gambling instincts. Losses feel like a dull knife, slowly cutting. You begin to suffer from insomnia, staring at the pale screen in the dead silence of three in the morning, where the numbers dancing are not just figures but your fading life. It feels like a block of ice in your stomach, while your palms continuously seep cold sweat. That kind of pain is not a heart-wrenching scream, but a silent implosion that shatters your confidence and calm.
What follows is a deep-seated loneliness. Your world shrinks to a screen, with no more day or night, no more seasons. Friends talk about careers, families, and travels; the vibrant noise sounds like the language of another world to you. You open your mouth, only to find yourself at a loss for words. How do you explain to them that you are engaged in a daily fight for survival against a giant called "the market"? Their concern transforms into cautious inquiries: "Why don't you just find a stable job?" The confusion in their eyes carries even a hint of pity.
Compassion hurts more than loss. You gradually turn yourself into an island, where all your judgments, struggles, fears, and hopes can only be swallowed and digested by yourself. This profession has stripped away the layer of warmth that you had as a member of society.
The coldest moment often arrives just when the so-called "peak" is coming. After you have finally crossed the long darkness, forging your own system and mindset through countless nights of study and reflections on numerous failures, your account curve begins to rise steadily. You think this is liberation, but after a particularly profitable trading day, you feel a tremendous sense of emptiness. You have succeeded, proving that "you" are right, but this proof cannot be shared with anyone, nor does it need to be. You look around, and your family has long since gotten used to your "unorthodox" pursuits; the past pains have formed thick scabs. There are no flowers, no applause; you simply turn off your computer calmly, and outside the window, the lights of thousands of homes glow, yet not a single one can truly illuminate the emptiness within you.

It is only at that moment that you truly understand how to let go.

You have come to terms with the fact that you have not finally conquered the market; you know deep down that the market can never be conquered, you have merely learned to coexist with it. You have come to terms with the self that was once tightly bound by desire, fear, and the gaze of others.
You finally understand that those trials are fierce flames that have burned away your recklessness and luck, forging a stern discipline. Those moments of solitude are icy water that have washed away your dependence on a sense of belonging, teaching you to have deep conversations with yourself. Those moments of being misunderstood are strong winds that have broken the vines you used to cling to the outside, forcing you to grow inward and root yourself in your own judgment.
You have reconciled with the past version of yourself that craved to prove something through trading. Trading is no longer a battlefield for seizing wealth; it is merely a way you choose to converse with the world. It has allowed you to see the probabilities, to respect the risks, and thus to understand more profoundly the impermanence and order of life itself.
You pick up the cup of tea that has long since cooled, and the taste is surprisingly clear. You look at yourself in the mirror, your eyes showing signs of the winds and frost, yet there is also an unprecedented tranquility. You know that you have crossed that burning wasteland, not to reach some prosperous place, but simply to find that well that belongs to you, one that will never run dry.
Rebirth from the ashes; it is not a successful trader who is reborn, but a complete and tranquil person. Numbers are merely a byproduct; the true gain is that you can finally say to yourself: "I have walked all the necessary paths, I have endured all the suffering I should endure, I deserve the peace I have at this moment."