# The Essence of Marriage

1. It means he wants to kiss you, touch you, be close to you, and focus on you every day for at least thirty or forty years.

2. When you go out, people see you two and know you're a couple. He represents you, and you represent him.

3. Marriage is two mature people supporting each other for the long term, not a one-sided arrangement.

4. Marriage is like a walled city—those inside want to get out, and those outside want to get in.

5. 90% of men won't love only one woman for life. What sustains a long marriage isn't love, but a trade-off of bargaining chips between two people. If you can maintain a balanced state, it's a partnership.

6. Lower-class men have little choice when marrying. As long as the woman's demands aren't too unreasonable, it's usually a quick match.

7. 80% of divorced men and women believe their marriage fell apart because they gradually grew distant and lost intimacy, or because they didn't feel loved and appreciated.

8. Marriage isn't simply 1+1=2. It's two independent individuals who, based on mutual respect, understanding, and support, jointly create a new world belonging to both of them.

9. Young people, don't idealize love too much. Marriage isn't the starting point of happiness; it's the beginning of a test of human nature.

10. Everyone, whether men or women, wants to receive love from their partner.

11. Actually, in marriage, whoever you're with, you're ultimately living with yourself. Whether a marriage is happy depends not on external material conditions, but on whether you truly understand marriage.

12. It doesn't really matter who you marry. The right person isn't born; they're created through compromise. There's no perfect other half in the world, only two people who compromise and tolerate each other because of love.

13. Most families are just coexisting day-to-day, especially those with children. The proportion of families with truly high-quality marriages is much lower than you'd imagine.

14. Actually, the initial form of love and marriage comes from our parents' marriage. The marital model of parents and elders determines the entire family and even shapes children's views on marriage and love.

15. A man's charm is the wisdom and stability accumulated over time. Sweet words from a man aren't important; what matters is whether his promises can be kept.

16. Whether it's romantic love, friendship, or family affection, those who pursue purely pristine relationships will be disappointed. That's immature idealism. Those who invoke love's name to demand that those in relatively advantaged positions in relationships accommodate and tolerate the relatively disadvantaged are asking people to be saints.

17. The overlooked essence of marriage is: marriage is actually quite bitter. Because marriage essentially restrains your sense of self, there are few couples who are completely compatible. After all, humans are like porcupines—when people are too close, the stronger one's self-awareness, the harder the marriage becomes. Another explanation is that human nature is first selfish, then selfless, while marriage's nature is first selfless, then selfish. These two attributes are inherently contradictory, so marriage is actually bitter.

18. All relationship continuity is an extension of interest bargaining chips. With chips, there's feeling; without chips, there's no feeling.

19. Of course men like young, beautiful women, but men respect hardworking and diligent women. Admiration for strength is ingrained in everyone's bones.

20. A woman who doesn't know how to love herself, no matter how beautiful, will ultimately be shallow. Her final fate can only be to become someone else's possession, a mistress, or a soulless shell. But an independent, self-reliant, hardworking woman who lives for herself radiates a charm that's deeply etched in everyone's heart.