Having a conversation and creating best practices for your child’s social media use

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — In a pivotal moment that underscored how powerful and immersive social platforms can be for children and teens, a jury in California this week found both Meta and YouTube liable for mental health harms to kids using their services.

The jury’s decision in the first-of-its-kind lawsuit — centered on social media addiction — was applauded by doctors and advocates, who say they are hopeful it could eventually lead to industrywide changes.

“I am excited about the outcome of the litigation, in part because we’ve had basically seen these platforms sort of go unregulated for many years … and they didn’t really consider, that much, the effects on children,” Carol Vidal, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, told The Associated Press.

Experts say this moment provides a renewed opportunity to rethink how families approach social media. Here is some guidance for parents on conversations to have with their children about social media and practices to protect them.

The number one rule, have conversations

For many parents, battles over screen time, fears of online harm and difficulty pulling kids away from endlessly scrolling has become a part of navigating an increasingly digital childhood.

And while there are decades’ worth of articles, research papers, podcasts and — yes — social media posts outlining tips, tricks and rules when it comes to kids’ screen time, experts say the most helpful thing a parent can do is simply talk to their kids.

Asking children what they enjoy online, the type of influencers they are following, how they are engaging and how they are feeling about certain apps can reveal a lot about their online experience and be more impactful than setting rigid rules.

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Jenny Radesky, the division director of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics at the University of Michigan Medical School, said the best way to begin conversations is with open-ended questions and “leaving space for teens to share their opinion.”

This article is part of AP’s Be Well coverage, focusing on wellness, fitness, diet and mental health. Read more Be Well.

“By listening as a parent, it lets you peek under the hood to understand how your child is thinking about things. It’s way easier to solve a tricky problem when you really understand your child’s perspective, instead of just trying to force a new limit,” Radesky said.

Among conversations starters, Radesky suggested asking kids about posts they are seeing — things they saw that they think are funny, entertaining, creepy, cool or frustrating. From there, parents can ask if their child is seeing things they dislike and how to address that, such as resetting their feed, only looking at content from their friends or taking a break from the platform.

But when it comes to social media boundaries, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Radesky said framing rules around a child’s well-being and needs, rather than restrictions that can feel like a punishment, can help children better understand how to use social media in a healthy way.

“As the parent, you know your kid best,” Radesky said. “You’ve seen their anxious days. You’ve seen those days when they’re out of control. You know what really grabs their attention and what calms them down. So think of all of your solutions centered around who your kid is.”

Should I set limits?

Experts say setting timers, designating “phone free zones” or even taking a multiday break from social media can be very useful.

“It helps teens be more intentional about getting what they want out of their phone or out of that social media site — not it turning into this mindless, ‘Oh, I’ve got nothing else to do so I’ll just keep scrolling,” Radesky said.

Again, figuring out a child’s specific needs, patterns of use and challenges is beneficial to finding solutions that work for them.

Is social media interfering with their sleep? Have them leave their phone downstairs at night. Are they scrolling for hours at a time? Set a 20-minute timer to notify them when to put their phone down. Do they turn to social media out of boredom? Maybe set aside one day every week to go do something as a family.

The magic number: At what age should kids be allowed to join social media?

Is there a specific age when kids should be allowed to go on social media, is the age-old question.

Nearly all major social media platforms have a minimum age requirement of 13, primarily due to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act that restricts data collection on younger children. However, enforcement is often limited as there’s no easy way to verify a person’s age when they sign up for apps and online services.

Additionally, individual states have taken action to prohibit children — in some cases up to the age of 16 — from opening accounts without parental permission.

The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend social media under the age of 13; “That doesn’t mean you need to start an account at age 13. Many kids benefit from waiting longer,” Radesky said.

Beyond just signing up for social media platforms, there is a push among parents, educators and tech experts to hold off on giving children phones until they are older. Some parents have joined the “Wait Until 8th” movement, pledging not to give their kids a smartphone until the 8th grade, or about age 13 or 14.

Leading by example

When it comes to social media habits, experts say, it is crucial that parents lead by example.

“The most powerful thing that parents can do is actually model good behaviors, because kids sometimes respond more to what they see than what they’re told,” Vidal said.

While being on a phone can be necessary at times, experts say it is helpful when parents explain why they are on their phone around their child. Instead of aimlessly scrolling, perhaps a parent is checking a work email, looking up a recipe for dinner or paying a bill.

Ultimately, if parents want their child to change their social media use, then they should partner with them. Vidal suggested utilizing the American Academy of Pediatrics’ family media plan — a free online tool that creates recommendations for a person’s social media use based on that specific individual.

“This is not just a problem that teens experience. The designs are in everyone’s feeds and everyone’s social media,” Radesky said. “So try to make a change together.”